If only children would listen to us. When those tantrums come, it seems like nothing real works. Most parents start by making polite conversations and listening patiently. But when the going gets tough, the very resilient parent resorts to yelling. What is the secret behind parents who have taught their children the magic of discipline?

WATCH YOUR TONE
Set a very pleasant tone for your kids (We can go for a swim after you take your nap).Treat them as your top priority. Children are more likely to cooperate and listen when they are talked to in a pleasant tone. Acknowledge their good behaviour. ‘You have been a good boy today. You came out of the pool when mama called you.’
‘Please’ is the magic word. It can do wonders when your toddler wants to wear her Strawberry Shortcake pajamas while they are still churning in the washer. “Please wear these pajamas with pink flowers instead.” Rhetorical questions and requests will get you nowhere with your children. ‘Didn’t I ask you to clean up the mess you made with the dough?’ Make your instructions very visual and simple. ‘Please clean up the mess that you made while playing with the dough,’ might work better.
Remember to say thank you when your toddler agrees to wear the flower-printed pajamas tonight. ‘Thank you for being so understanding, darling!”

LET’S BE FRIENDS
If we could have everything done by paying a dollar for each chore that needs to be done, life would have been so much easier.
It may seem okay for us to talk to kids the way we do to adults. We are polite to adults when we ask them, “Is this seat taken?” or “Would you fancy pizza or pasta for dinner today?” Children take these questions literally. It seems they are being offered choices. “Would you like to take bath now?” is a chance for the child to be in control.
The trick is to negotiate and renegotiate. None of us like ranting or nagging. Parents can end up sounding like drill sergeants. When you are friendly instead of being aggressive, more things will get done.

DON’T SET YOURSELF UP
FOR A POWER STRUGGLE
For sticky situations which can be infuriating, you can try giving simple instructions instead of narrating complicated steps. It is best to offer your child something that you want him to do and tell ‘clearly’ how you want something to get done. ‘Get dressed, quickly! We are going to catch the Panda movie that you have been wanting to watch.’ Be assertive in your actions and speech.
‘Do you want a big birthday party this time or a trip to Hong Kong Disneyland?’ A child would love to have both. Give him a choice instead of telling him ‘We are going to have a big birthday party for you this year.’ There is absolutely no power struggle once you tell the child what it is going to be like.

HAPPY CHOICES
The best way to get your child to co-operate is to give her specific choices. ‘Would you like to go to the pool or the park?’ It is a win-win situation for you and for your child. The child feels ‘in control’.
Vague questions like, ‘What will you eat today?’ ‘What will you wear today?’ These decisions are very overwhelming for the child. Try to limit their choices.
Remember you can’t always give your child variety as you might never make it anywhere on time if the toddler starts wanting his way. Be specific.
Instead of: “Are you going to feed your fish today?”
Say: “I can hear some grumbling of tummies from the fish bowl. It’s time to feed the fish.”
Instead of: “Should we switch off the TV and play downstairs with your friends?”
Say: “Handy Manny is over. Time to go downstairs and play with your friends.”
 Instead of: “We are running very late. Would you care to put your sandals on?”
Say: “It’s time you put your sandals on, dear”

COMMUNICATE RULES &
BE CONSISTENT WITH THEM
By now, the child understands that every action brings about a reaction. Make sure you start communicating your house rules at this age.
Let’s say a toddler loves to paint the walls with his oil pastels. Tell him that it is not acceptable. He must do it only on paper. You can get him to help you clean the wall. If this happens the second time, restrict his usage of the pastels for the rest of the day. In case it

happens one more time after this, let him clean the whole wall by himself. Before every measure remind him the rule and then enforce.

Sometimes it is easier to overlook a bad behaviour and not follow it up with consequences. But consistency is the key to effective discipline.

While you emphasise on the consequences for bad behaviour, don’t forget to reward good behaviours with praise and affirmation. Try to be very specific and simple when you praise. Saying “Good job” does not mean anything to the child. Specify what good job
was done.

If your child continues an unacceptable behaviour despite reminders and warnings, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide the number of times your child can misbehave before a consequence kicks in or how long the proper behaviour must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator or your child’s art board. You can use colour coding to make it easier for your child to understand the system. For example, a bad behaviour can be represented by the colour black and good behaviour, red. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control his misbehaviour.

Do whatever works best for you. All it takes is a little consistency and simplifying messages for your children.